What Will I Do Today That Matters?

When I was sixteen, I really didn’t like high school. Rather, I was one of those students that acted like I didn’t like high school, but then stood outside the building long after classes were over. I was the type of student who knew exactly how many classes I could miss and still keep honor roll grades. I was terrible at math but became good at memorizing steps and getting right answers. The problem was that I never understood why or how I got certain answers; I just wanted A’s. When things were too difficult and I couldn’t trick my way to an A, I gave up. I dropped pre-calculus after the first quarter and finagled my way through the rest of high school without taking math again.

In my senior year of high school, I didn’t want to go to college. I thought that college would be like high school all over again, and it wasn’t until I met my senior year English teacher, Ms. Simoni, that things completely shifted. She didn’t try to give me the “You can do it! Just work harder!” speech, but instead, she proved that education isn’t just about grades. Yes, getting As was important, but she constantly pushed me to question why reading Emily Dickinson and learning ancient histories were important. It wasn’t just about grades; it was about growing as a person and learning about myself in relation to the world I live in.

The most important question she ever asked me was, “What will you do today that matters?” and it was then that I knew I couldn’t acquiesce to mediocrity. She inspired me to want to continue my education, and thus, I applied to a college that catered to how I learn. My college didn’t have grades or standardized evaluations of academic success, but instead motivated students with the mantra, Non Satis Scire: To Know Is Not Enough. My education became about self-growth, and I was motivated internally to become a better student. This was perhaps the single most important shift in my life, and perhaps this is what drove me to want to return to high school education, despite how much I really, really didn’t like high school.

I came to City on a Hill in August 2010 and am entering my second year in the tutorial program, now as a Lead Tutor with other new responsibilities throughout the school. Sometimes, people are skeptical of my job, and think that I exaggerate the energy and care I put into it, every single day, no matter how tired I am or how infinitely grey February seems.

Everyday, from 8:00 - 4:30, my one goal is to help my students make a little bit more sense of what they’re learning, no matter how many times we have to review punctuation rules, trigonometry, or Toni Morrison over and over again in order for them to really understand. Once they understand, then I ask the hard questions--the types of questions that hopefully spark their desire to learn because they want to, not just because they have to. I push them to ask why, and really understand what they’re seeking.

Of course we work for high grades with the expectation that all are going to college, but I also hope to inspire my students to want to go to college in order to become better thinkers, better learners, and better citizens of the world. It is my hope that they will want to earn not only a high GPA, but will also ask themselves “What will I do today that matters?”

Jess Kim is a Lead Tutor with the CoaHCORPS Tutorial Program, now in her 2nd year at City on a Hill.  She earned her Bachelor's degree from Hampshire College, where she studied critical social theory and poetics.